Guess what, sweet folks? Jaywalking operations are coming to Belltown. Prepare yourselves. Today marked the end of my own personal experience with the law in that arena. Hear my tale and weep, for I was once like you.
Back at the end of July, I got tagged for crossing against the light at 3rd & Pike. It was early in the morning, I was about 20 steps outside of my gym and the cop, to be as charitable as I can, was an jerk - a robotic motorcycle cop with lamentably bad social skills. At the time I got the arm, Pike Street was closed. There was no traffic at all. This became the cornerstone to my defense. I mean, the street was closed, so conventional rules don't apply, right? In such an event, we're all assumed to be reasonable persons and we are granted special permission by Dog Almighty and the City of Seattle to use our best judgment, correct? Well, no. When it comes to pedestrian infractions like jaywalking or crossing against the light, there is no room for reasonable behavior. As far as the city's concerned, either you did it or you didn't do it.
3rd & Pike: Scene of the "crime"
For my trial, I requested for the officer to appear. I thought maybe the guy wouldn't show. He did. OK, I thought, we do it the old-fashioned way with homespun wisdom and down-home charm. The cop testified. He saw me cross against the light. He even drew a picture. Then I testified. Yes, I told the court, I crossed against the light, but by gum, I was crossing a closed street. And I added to the court that these types of pedestrian tickets were a scam only designed to raise revenue for the city, but I still loved my country, despite speaking and thinking (oh yeah, especially that) ill of Seattle law enforcement. The court reacted with indulgent silence.
Here's the deal: If you're crossing against the light, there are no mitigating circumstances. You can have the best reason in the world, but you'll still get a ticket. You can have a pack of hungry cannibals or Godzilla himself chasing after you, but in the eyes of the law, you have committed wrong. The prosecutor's closing (yes, they have prosecutors on hand) was that very point; there are no special circumstances. In my closing, I stated that there's spirit of the law and letter of the law, and that maybe by the letter of the law, I committed the infraction, but by the spirit of the law, I was completely, utterly and totally guiltless.
This was not a difficult case for the judge (who seemed almost sympathetic to my cause); I broke the law. My fine was $56. I told the judge that I had no intention of paying into something that I deemed a scam, so I was granted community service. Never having been sentenced to that, I figured it consisted of picking up dog poop or harvesting roadkill, but no. Next week, I get to volunteer and the Center for Wooden Boats. That's not overly bad, however, I would rather have been found innocent. The only problem with that scenario is that it's impossible. Yes, it's a scam perpetrated by the city, but it's impossible to fight. The moral of this story is to not get a jaywalking/crossing against the light ticket. But if you do, you're pretty much screwed.
And now this travesty is coming to Belltown. Good luck, everybody.
5 comments:
Glad I found your blog Igor. U r kewl!
I read this story on the Times web site -- Sounds like a real bummer for you, but I laughed.
This is a great blog!
On the other hand, when else would you ever have gotten to be a deckhand?
I had my run-in with Johnny Law once on jaywalking as well, although I only got a warning. He was more concerned with the fact that I crossed in front of him and therefore showed him no respect. I was less worried about his self esteem than the fact that I apparently had to press the crosswalk button to get the "white walking man" to cross even though I had the green light for its entirety. I got tired of waiting and didn't notice that I was REQUIRED to hit that stupid button. What nonsense - since when do cars get priority over pedestrians?
I was given a jaywalking ticket by the same Bozo cop (I believe) at the same location, 7:35 am on February 2nd. I was on my way to the same gym. There was NO traffic in either direction. The wind was blowing up from the Sound; Pike Street was an icy wind tunnel. I told the cop that he wasn't going to give me a ticket, was he, for crossing the empty street. I reminded him that surely he was a reasonable man who wouldn't do such a ridiculous thing, given the non-existent traffic, the temperature, and the fact that I was not a criminal, but a man on his way to do something positive and life-affirming. Didn't work.
I went to court, told this story to the judge, he reduced my fine to $25. An outrage, but I paid it and got the hell out of there before doing or saying something I would regret.
I still jaywalk in this town. Everyday. It's a matter of principle, logistics and common sense....
... puts on time machine cap that zips self ahead 10 years ...
"And next up on the news: the city council has approved the installation of over 500 jaywalking cameras throughout downtown Seattle. Violators will be fined through advanced facial recognition systems, cross-checked for crimes, and automatically e-mailed an e-ticket. Seattle remains the only city in the world that cares about jaywalking."
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