2nd Ave. in Bloom!

I mentioned something recently about the pear trees blooming along 2nd and so forth. Here's what it looks like:

You realize that it's still winter, yes? I prefer this to gloom, but that's just me.

Springtime Comes to 2nd (and 1st, too)!

Last week, during some aimless wandering around the neighborhood, I spotted a lone tree in bloom along 1st Ave. It was really nice to see. It was also an odd sight for February. Usually, things are really grim this month. The gloom is near-constant and people with SAD barricade themselves in their apartments and refuse to come out till spring. Well, here's a sign that spring is just around the corner: the plum and plum hybrids along 1st & 2nd Aves. are beginning to bloom. That single tree has inspired a host of others. This is a unique happening to 1st & 2nd; 3rd Avenue's trees are mostly those awful skeletal honey locusts that get their leaves late and lose them early, 4th & 5th's majestic oaks, maples and plane trees are still months away from foliage and 6th Avenue...well, there's just not much to see.

I'm still not sure what's going on with these trees, whether it truly is a byproduct of warm El Nino temperatures or climate change or whatnot. My friend Jim says that the purple-leaf plum and the plum-apricot hybrids bloom early, but I've never seen them pop in February. So yes, this is kind of a cool thing - and it's happening in terrible Belltown. Here are some pictures from along 1st Avenue:






This is what 2nd Ave. looks like:




So that's how things are looking around here. Pretty soon the lovely pear trees are also going to bloom. This is how most of them are looking now:

Once again, it's really unusual for this to be happening so early. Last year, most of these trees didn't bloom until May.

You know, the last few winters have seemed to last for an eternity. I think it's about time we got an early spring. Then again, what with Seattle weather being what it is, we may well get snow, freezing temperatures and general gloom well into April. But I'd like to think that the trees know best about how things are going to go down.

Is This Peace?

Since the conclusion of Operation Enduring Pavement, we've all been expecting peace and relative quiet in our daily lives, especially those of us who are unemployed and have no place to go during the day. But the roar of a jackhammer this morning made me aware that there is another, equally noisy action taking place. Let's call it Operation Infinite Sidewalk. Have a look at the anger and bitterness:




Citizens, our sidewalks are in a state of rubble-fication! And all of this is only a sampling of what's going on. This particular skirmish is happening on 2nd between Lenora and Virginia. When will it end? Seriously, if you know when it's going to end, let me know. My soul prays for relief.

Forgotten, But Not Quite Gone

Operation Enduring Pavement may be over, but there are still a few remnants along 2nd Avenue:

Except for these four pieces of equipment, everything else is gone. There are no other metal monsters along 2nd. They've all gone back to Monsterland, where they spend their days fighting with each other for dominance. And peace really has returned to Belltown. Last night's influx of drunk people was nothing compared to the two solid weeks of persecution by the paving authorities. But now that it's over, we can all forget about it. In fact, I already have. What was I just talking about?

O Glorious Day!

Our long, neighborhood nightmare is over! Last night, they finished paving 2nd Avenue! Praise Allah! I figured that my stretch of 2nd was in for a very long night of noisy, humming, sighing, farting paving equipment, but those little angels were done by 9:00. They were very well organized, with their special dump trucks all parked in a row and their strange paving monsters moving slowly and providing their own eerie light.

Here is your 21st century 2nd Avenue:

Sweet Lady Blacktop, you look beautiful today! There will be no more visits from Baroness von Jackhammer. The metal monsters are gone! All is peaceful! Take to the streets, my neighbors, and sing hymns to brotherhood! Your 2nd Avenue is free again!

Welcome to the Neighborhood, Sweet Lady Blacktop!

It's finally happening. After more than two weeks of wandering through unpaved streets, I now have Sweet Lady Blacktop under my feet. Free at last! Of course, they did start laying it down at about 11:00 last night and continued on till 3:00. And yes, they were very loud. And no, they didn't finish the job, so that means they'll be at it again tonight. Here's what my stretch of 2nd Ave. looks like right now:

One lane of lovin', two lanes of hatred.

Soon, though, all lanes will be done. Those fortunate souls from Denny to Vine Street are rejoicing now. Their street is finished. Observe:

On the other hand, their sidewalks are in pretty rough shape. Still, it's nice to know that your city cares about you enough to pave your entire street. In other countries, they don't do that. Believe me, I've seen it.

Anyway, now there's a light at the end of the tunnel - and no, it's not an oncoming train. It's a slow-moving, not-altogether-quiet paving machine.

Far Too Seldom Do We Turn Our Eyes Toward Heaven and Ask: How Much Longer, O Lord?

Our pavement has been pillaged. Our sidewalks are in chaos. And our beasts have been mistreated. How much longer, O Lord? It's been two weeks since they took our blacktop. It used to be fun living in a work zone, but now it's become a WAR ZONE all along 2nd Avenue - from Denny all the way to Stewart. I'm ready for all this jollity to end. Please come and pave 2nd Avenue. Then all the metal monsters and jackhammers and wheezy old traffic-directin' cops will go away. And traffic will no longer snake its way single-file under my window and we will be merry and eat fried food. But when will that be, O Lord? I am a committed city-dweller, but this operation is truly trying my patience, because no end appears in sight. They'll just keep punching holes in the road bed and then fill them in. Is this part of the stimulus package? Because if it is, I ain't stimulated! Just one last question: how much longer, O Lord?

Shallow Graves

Yesterday when I was typing out this very blog, a squadron of metal monsters descended on my sector of 2nd Avenue and began with the jackhammering. There were three of them going at the same time. Yes, it was exquisitely loud. I had to flee down to Uwajimaya for a little peace and quiet. When I returned, this is what the monsters had wrought:




It was also yesterday that I noticed that similar large patches had been carved into the street at 2nd & Battery. At the time, I believed that they represented a trap for this cit's less competent motorists (of whom there are many). But today, my assessment is a little more alarming. Of course, I have no proof, but, as current fashion dictates, armed with a double shot of ignorance and an all-American certainty of my own stable mental state and the accuracy of my assertions, I will tell you my theory: these recent works have been ordered by the government to serve as interim gravesites for those euthanized by government death panels. I'm told that it is the method preferred by socialist secret-Muslims who also might be fascists. Think about it, what better place to put the victims of healthcare reform than in the middle of the street? The shallowness of these graves is just an indication of how inadequate the reforms will be. After all, if there was real reform, these graves would be a lot deeper. If they can't even dig sufficient mass graves in the middle of our streets, how are they gonna handle the government takeover of all healthcare and our daily lives? Not very well, I tell you. So I say to you now, if you're stupid enough to believe my claims which are the pinnacle of truth, please stop these shallow graves from swallowing up our grandmas. The next time you see an elected official, just start screaming at them. It doesn't matter what you say, just scream. Like many a town hall teabagger, you might even be on TV. So please, make a stand. Let the world know that you're against shallow mass graves in the middle of our 2nd Avenue. We're all counting on you.

Dispatches from the WAR ZONE

Gosh, things continue to deteriorate at 2nd & Bell. Yesterday, there was this cluster of equipment poking yet another hole in the roadway:

Today, in honor of the new hole, Bell Street is closed at 2nd. In the photo below, workers celebrate the hole's creation by standing in it:

By now, I'm pretty sure that even the people working in the WAR ZONE have forgotten what they're trying to accomplish. It used to be about spreading democracy and installing new storm drains, but now it has to do with carving up the roadway for fun.

And the hatred and aggression are spreading. Even 2nd & Battery has been destabilized! They've carved large shallow trenches, because the government said so. Observe:


These diggings appear to serve no purpose. But I must caution you that no matter how much you'd like to drive your car into, then out of these little trenches, don't do it. It will really mess your car up and you probably won't be able to sue the city for not putting up a sign reading: "Please do not drive your car into this trench. It will become damaged." There are hazards like that all along 2nd Avenue, so the city is counting on its citizens to use their common sense.

How Many Pieces of Heavy Equipment Are Parked Along 2nd Ave. Anyway?

Happy Labor Day, laborers! Me, I feel a little weird about celebrating such a holiday since I have no job, but I tell myself that it's actually a day to watch the Jerry Lewis Telethon. Jerry gets just a little more crazy and sincere every year as the quality of acts steadily declines. Once back in the seventies, Jerry got Frank Sinatra to come on and sing. That was at the height of his booking powers, when the telethon lasted a whole 24 hours. These days, it's eight hours long and you're lucky if you see Jan Michael Vincent doing an appalingly bad soft-shoe routine. Still, I love Jerry. He's a comic genius. His films of the sixties contain a host of brilliant moments. But like many comedians, he wanted to be taken seriously. That's when all the trouble started.

Anyhow, speaking of labor, there has been a lot of it along 2nd Avenue. There was just all kinds of everything for the whole week. Then on Friday, they parked their metal monsters and simply walked away. It's been quiet since then - and how nice it's been! But walking along 2nd Ave. has made me curious as to how many pieces of heavy equipment we're hosting here. Let's count them!

OK, from Stewart to Lenora, there's nothing. Zilch. That section of 2nd has seen enough action anyway, so it doesn't change the way we feel about them. But it all starts at Blanchard:

1, 2...

(at Bell Street) 3...

(at another part of Bell Street) 4...

(at Wall Street) 5, 6...

(also at Wall Street) 7, 8...

(at Cedar Street) 9, 10...

(at the other side of Cedar Street) 11. And that's it. Gee, it seemed like there'd be more, but no such luck - 11 pieces of heavy equipment is all you get.

There were also numerous attachments left out like these:


Frankly, I'm a little surprised that a bunch of drunks from Shorty's, out of quarters and bored, didn't unite in purpose and carry one of these things off to somebody's apartment. I guess it didn't happen because, A) Shorty's patrons aren't very strong, and; B) Shorty's patrons aren't that organized.

Lastly, this piece of equipment decorates the block between Wall and Vine:

Yeah, it's right in the middle of the street. You know, these things are known by various brand names: Sani-Kan, Port-o-Let, Porta-Potty, Porta-John and so on. By far, the worst brand name has to be "Honey Bucket." I mean, none of those competitors' names actually hints at the contents of the portable restroom. Honey Bucket goes there. Who came up with that name? It's just such a gross visual image. Ew. Please change it.

2nd Avenue Gets Scraped!

When I was returning from Siegfried at about 11:30, 2nd Avenue was clogged with asphalt removal equipment. They were like some kind of secret army of the night, with guys giving orders and orange cones and lights flashing and large vehicles going every which-way. And yeah, they were really loud, because taking off an entire layer of old road surface is not a quiet process. Today we see the fruits of that labor:

From Bell Street to Denny, there is no more surface. You're gonna be driving on the road bed, brother, until Sweet Lady Blacktop comes to town. That could happen in a short time or a long time. It all depends on the Sweet Lady. When they repaved 4th Avenue in the late spring, it took them about three weeks to get around to it. But that's all water under the bridge now, because 4th drives like a dream. My car absolutely loves it. Let's hope that 2nd Ave. gets some better service. After all, it is a much cooler street.

Does This Look Familiar?

You may have noticed that I've curtailed my coverage of the destruction/restoration of 2nd Avenue. Why? Well, because they do the same stuff on every block. At first, it's like, "Wow, look at that pavement fly!" But after you see it happen over and over again, it seems like just an ordinary thing. The other morning I thought that this was an exceptional shot and a nice visual metaphor for what was going on all around. But here's what I saw this morning just one block away at 2nd & Stewart:

So instead of this picture embodying the triumph of technology over rubble, it just symbolizes city parking policy for heavy equipment. Golly, today I believe in nothing.

Two Days of Peace and Quiet

Well hallelujah, the orange-vests are giving us a break! If I had an actual job to go to, all that jackhammering and noisy heavy equipment wouldn't be so bad. But if I had a job to go to, I wouldn't be able to document Belltown life in microscopic detail. So yeah, it's a trade-off, and each day it seems less of a choice and more of a predicament. In case you're interested, this is what 2nd & Lenora temporarily looks like:

Yes, very trench-tastic. And this is just the beginning of much more very loud stuff. On Monday, it continues, but for now, the sun is shining and all is peaceful.

Let's See a Picture of a Metal Monster Perched Triumphantly atop a Pile of Rubble!

The people get what the people want:

I took this picture along 2nd Avenue at 6:30 this morning and a funny thought occurred to me based on past experiences in foreign lands. In many countries, leaving rubble out overnight often serves as an invitation for people to haul it away and build stuff with it. Either that or it would serve as an ammo dump for any group of malcontents who would then turn it into more portable pieces and descend on the closest McDonald's, KFC or unfortified liquor store. These things happen in other parts of the world. In this country, we can proudly display our rubble until it is removed, without people crushing their hands and feet trying to drag it away or without it sparking any angry mob action. Ah, what a country we live in! The threat of prison really does keep us in line!

Rubble One Block Away

Gee, I thought the city was going to do this all logical-like. I figured that if they were destroying one lane of 2nd beginning at Bell Street, they would probably move block by block. Wrong! Instead, they've leap-frogged my block at torn into Lenora and all parts south. Baroness von Jackhammer, who I predicted yesterday as visiting that area in a few weeks, is there now going full tilt. Here are a few pictures of the action:

As you can see, they're obviously in the "rubble and anger" portion of the production. Here's von Jackhammer during a brief lull in the von Jackhammering:

So yeah, those question marks from yesterday, remember those? All gone. The street didn't have time to uncover any existential answers. But honestly, does anybody? The answer is no.

And that's how the work goes. Hey, a few days I wrote about the orange-vests and their trench fetish, well, he's more trench porn from the corner of 2nd & Lenora for you:

I hope that turns you on.

The Work Continues

Now that the dulcet serenade of the jackhammer has ceased (for the moment), let's check the progress on the other side of 2nd & Blanchard:


Yesterday, it was all about rubble and anger. Today, it's more gravel and despair. God knows what their doing. I guess I could ask but those orange-vests seem so busy with their metal monsters and shovels and traffic revisions. Maybe I'll just do like many of this neighborhood's idlers: just stand and gape.

Oh, and while I was taking pictures, I saw this truck:

Do you think that's a real company name? Like if some guy worked there and had a kid and if you asked the kid where his dad worked and he'd say: "My dad works at Non-Potable Water WATER Do Not Drink." Gosh, what a terrible name for a company! Can you imagine being their receptionist? I can. If it really is a company and I was their president, I'd change the name to the Super-Fun Non-Potable Water Concern. I mean, that doesn't drive people away like Non-Potable Water WATER Do Not Drink. Who's in charge of this firm, anyway? Grim but honest Russians? This truck really has me asking questions.