Segway Riddle Solved!

If you've read this crappy blog for any amount of time, you'll know that I have an odd fascination with Segways. They are complex machines that are quite well designed, but despite that, everyone who rides them looks like a dork - and that's when you're not even wearing a helmet. Add a helmet and you're a mega-dork.

In the past few months or so, I've noticed squadrons of them snaking around Belltown in single file. At first I thought it was one of those notorious killer Segway gangs, you know, like the kind they have in Los Angeles. But after all this time, I've figured it out: they're tourists. Observe:

I walked along with these folks this afternoon and they're all wearing "Gray Line" helmets. Their leader, a helmet-less guy in a safari jacket, points out the relevant sights. Funny thing, they rolled right past the Bayview Tower and nobody mentioned that it was the ugliest building in Belltown. Some tour!

OK, so that mystery is solved. An even greater mystery is how one can actually look cool riding a Segway. I say it can't be done.

Another Mass Segway Sighting!

My God, people, just walk already! You'll look a lot more normal and you won't have to wear a helmet!

Now Is the Perfect Time to Panic!

I was at 2nd & Stewart a little while ago when I saw this shocking sight:

Yep, that's exactly what you think it is - a Segway gang. You can tell they're a gang because they wear identical helmets. That's the gang way. And they wear untucked shirts because they're badasses. OK, so they're moving in to Belltown now. Whether they mean to beat protection out of local shopkeeps, start a loan-sharking operation or merely terrorize this neighborhood's peaceful inhabitants is unknown. I'm sure we'll find out soon. Until then, feel free to panic. I already am!

Make Way for Segways!

OK, so riding a Segway doesn't make you a dork. It only makes you look like one. Even Seattle meter maids (it's a unisex term, folks), with their snazzy black and blue stealth-wear, cannot make Segway riding look cool.

I was walking down Wall Street and I saw these five people at 4th Ave. on Segways, looking quite serious. In fact, to those of us without wheels and gyroscopes, they tried really hard to make it look like it was the most normal thing in the world. They failed. They still looked like tremendous dorks. Observe:

Yes, it's not a great picture, but if you look at it closely you'll see five people on Segways heading toward the Bayview Tower, the ugliest building in Belltown. Hey, I had to chase them for a block or so and the best I got was this lousy photo. I have long said that when Segway riders start organizing, we're all doomed. It was never a worry till now. I will keep you posted with any further sightings.