3rd Ave. Feels the Love!

Two blocks closed (from Virginia to Pine; one in Belltown, the other in downtown), a phalanx of metal monsters and the strains of Baroness von Jackhammer in the air. Ah, the SDOT is at it again. This time, the object of their affection is 3rd Ave. And why not? That street needs as much help as it can get. I mean, it's Belltown's crummiest street. Here are some pictures:




I have no idea what they're trying to accomplish. All I know is that those two blocks don't seem to need it. I mean, the street ain't full of holes or anything. Maybe they're going to replace what they've got with a more appealing shade of pavement. Whatever improvements they make will be an improvement, because it's 3rd Ave. after all.

News Flash!

Bell Street is a mess:

OK, sure, it's always a mess, but right now it's messier than usual. There's such a conundrum of traffic and heavy equipment over there that it's probably better to avoid it, even if you're on foot. All this work is in preparation for the Bell Street Park Boulevard project, which begins in earnest in around two months. But right now, they're just tearing up everything in sight with their sundry metal monsters. I hope that makes it a better park. I'm still fairly convinced that it's gonna be a disaster.

Is the End Near?

The corner of 2nd & Bell in front of Dennis' Murder Mart has seen more than its fair share of hatred over the last six months. The sidewalk and street have been jackhammered, dug up, jackhammered some more, dug up again, rearranged, covered over with steel plates and laughed at by crazy people all in the name of improved storm drainage. I knew there would be a day that it would all end. It appears to be in sight. Observe:

After all this time, they appear to be getting ready to pour the sidewalk. Oh, that's just dandy! No more bumping into drunks coming out of Dennis' place! Finally, we'll be free to cross the street directly over to Mama's if we feel like it! The downside is that the area used to be a notorious gathering spot for crack smokers and various drunken lowlifes. With all that digging and such came old, wheezy cops to "direct traffic." Mostly, they watched stuff get dug up. Just that nominal law enforcement presence alone scattered those guys - at least during the day. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that without that singular fat old cop, it'll go back to exactly what it was.

In any case, it's nice to see all the work end at 2nd & Bell. But it's a trade-off: continuous noise and commotion for sporadic noise and drug use.

3rd Avenue to Get Its Share of Street-Hatred!

First, 4th Ave. bowed under the yoke of heavy-duty street voodoo, then 2nd was the victim. Did 3rd Ave. think it could escape? It probably did. Well, it did get its sidewalks all carved up last spring, but now the SDOT is eying the street and drooling with malice. Are you paralyzed with terror yet? You're not? OK, well, the news isn't that bad. Your precious 3rd Ave. isn't getting a full repave; the orange-vests are just cutting up and removing random slabs of roadway between Virginia and Pike. There's no indication they'll be replacing them. No wait, it says right here that they be doing just that. Work should last until the end of November. Normally, I would question that schedule, but the SDOT are super-wizards of scheduling. They said that 2nd Ave.'s Operation Enduring Pavement would be done by September 19th and guess what? It was.

OK, so enjoy the sound of the concrete cutting machine, northern Belltown segment of 3rd Avenue!

Broad Street Welcomes Sweet Lady Blacktop!

It's finally happened, Operation Enduring Pavement is now over! Never mind what's going on over at Wall Street or what's happening on 6th Avenue, the paving is done, finito, completed. Here's your proof:

Although it was only two blocks that needed paving, it was a tremendous hassle with all the diversions and constrictions and whatnot. Golly, what a mess it was! But now it's all done and we are free. That thick, rich Sweet Lady B looks oh so pretty on Broad. May it always be so dark and so fine.

Wall Street Beatdown, Part 2

This news is not exciting nor is it entertaining, but I writes what I sees, so prepare yourself. Are you ready? OK. They're repaving the other side of Wall Street! Look:


Last week, it was that side; this week, it's this side. Isn't that riveting? Whether this is the concluding action in Operation Enduring Pavement or the beginning of an entirely new offensive only God, Jesus and the City of Seattle could tell you. But these guys work very quickly, so this other half of Wall will be done by the end of the week. Meanwhile, Broad Street languishes. Stripped of road surface for over two weeks, it must feel like it's been abandoned. Be patient, good street, your day of deliverance will soon be at hand.

Wall Street Gets Sliced and Diced!

Golly, this happened really quickly - almost spontaneously. I guess the orange-vests had some leftover concrete, so they decided to give Wall Street the treatment. I walked past there just a few days ago and nothing was happening. But yesterday this was going on:


All this is taking place only between 5th & 6th, so I think it's safe to say that they're building a bus lane. See, in the past they've had trouble with the roads getting smooshed down because of weight of buses. This has made for some pretty rough going. They're trying to avoid similar results, so during Operation Enduring Pavement, they built all these reinforced bus lanes. It always started with them digging down about a foot. After that they put in rebar or something similar, then pour the concrete. Easy as that! Anyhow, these guys working on this patch of Wall Street are getting this done very, very quickly. In fact, they might even be done by the end of the week. And then buses will no longer sink into the roadway like they did before.

Operation Enduring Pavement: The Phinal Phase

There is one street that snakes its way from Lake Union to Puget Sound - a street where the laws of God and man do not apply. Of course, I'm talking about Broad Street. All except for two blocks of it is paved. Immediately following the conclusion of Operation Enduring Pavement on 2nd Avenue, the metal monsters turned their sights on Broad, taking its pavement and escaping into the night. That was at least a week ago. Today, the situation is unchanged. Observe:

My message to Broad Street residents (there are hardly any at all) is this: the city will deliver your precious blacktop only if you construct and pray to a large statue of Greg Nickels. That's what worked for us here on 2nd Ave. when we felt abandoned and forlorn. I recommend that you give the statue idea a try.

Is This Peace?

Since the conclusion of Operation Enduring Pavement, we've all been expecting peace and relative quiet in our daily lives, especially those of us who are unemployed and have no place to go during the day. But the roar of a jackhammer this morning made me aware that there is another, equally noisy action taking place. Let's call it Operation Infinite Sidewalk. Have a look at the anger and bitterness:




Citizens, our sidewalks are in a state of rubble-fication! And all of this is only a sampling of what's going on. This particular skirmish is happening on 2nd between Lenora and Virginia. When will it end? Seriously, if you know when it's going to end, let me know. My soul prays for relief.

The Hatred Comes to Broad Street

Hey, all you citizens of Broad Street between 1st and Elliott! I know there aren't many of you and I assume that you already know this, but...

The hatred has arrived. Your pavement is gone. Your road is bare.

As a survivor of the 2nd Avenue's Operation Enduring Pavement, I can offer you no advice, other than that you should be patient. I can predict, however, that when Sweet Lady Blacktop comes to town, you will dance a jig of freedom. But that may not be forthcoming. It took them more than two weeks to put lay down the Sweet Lady B on 2nd. Many residents were praying for a swift, merciful death at the end of week two. But the orange-vests did return to fulfill the prophecy. They will return. You must believe.

Forgotten, But Not Quite Gone

Operation Enduring Pavement may be over, but there are still a few remnants along 2nd Avenue:

Except for these four pieces of equipment, everything else is gone. There are no other metal monsters along 2nd. They've all gone back to Monsterland, where they spend their days fighting with each other for dominance. And peace really has returned to Belltown. Last night's influx of drunk people was nothing compared to the two solid weeks of persecution by the paving authorities. But now that it's over, we can all forget about it. In fact, I already have. What was I just talking about?

O Glorious Day!

Our long, neighborhood nightmare is over! Last night, they finished paving 2nd Avenue! Praise Allah! I figured that my stretch of 2nd was in for a very long night of noisy, humming, sighing, farting paving equipment, but those little angels were done by 9:00. They were very well organized, with their special dump trucks all parked in a row and their strange paving monsters moving slowly and providing their own eerie light.

Here is your 21st century 2nd Avenue:

Sweet Lady Blacktop, you look beautiful today! There will be no more visits from Baroness von Jackhammer. The metal monsters are gone! All is peaceful! Take to the streets, my neighbors, and sing hymns to brotherhood! Your 2nd Avenue is free again!

By the Way...

Because I'm a responsible chronicler - OK, blogger - I think I should set straight an earlier assertion that turned out to be, y'know, completely false. You'll recall that I claimed that 2nd & Lenora was being dug up to serve as a mass grave for the victims of government-run FEMA-9/12-ACORN death panels. Well, it's been filled in. Observe:

Although this may have the look and feel of me being totally wrong, I'm pretty sure that they canceled their plans after being exposed by me. That's how I look at it. And now everything is peaceful, like death panels never existed:

You're welcome.

Welcome to the Neighborhood, Sweet Lady Blacktop!

It's finally happening. After more than two weeks of wandering through unpaved streets, I now have Sweet Lady Blacktop under my feet. Free at last! Of course, they did start laying it down at about 11:00 last night and continued on till 3:00. And yes, they were very loud. And no, they didn't finish the job, so that means they'll be at it again tonight. Here's what my stretch of 2nd Ave. looks like right now:

One lane of lovin', two lanes of hatred.

Soon, though, all lanes will be done. Those fortunate souls from Denny to Vine Street are rejoicing now. Their street is finished. Observe:

On the other hand, their sidewalks are in pretty rough shape. Still, it's nice to know that your city cares about you enough to pave your entire street. In other countries, they don't do that. Believe me, I've seen it.

Anyway, now there's a light at the end of the tunnel - and no, it's not an oncoming train. It's a slow-moving, not-altogether-quiet paving machine.

Far Too Seldom Do We Turn Our Eyes Toward Heaven and Ask: How Much Longer, O Lord?

Our pavement has been pillaged. Our sidewalks are in chaos. And our beasts have been mistreated. How much longer, O Lord? It's been two weeks since they took our blacktop. It used to be fun living in a work zone, but now it's become a WAR ZONE all along 2nd Avenue - from Denny all the way to Stewart. I'm ready for all this jollity to end. Please come and pave 2nd Avenue. Then all the metal monsters and jackhammers and wheezy old traffic-directin' cops will go away. And traffic will no longer snake its way single-file under my window and we will be merry and eat fried food. But when will that be, O Lord? I am a committed city-dweller, but this operation is truly trying my patience, because no end appears in sight. They'll just keep punching holes in the road bed and then fill them in. Is this part of the stimulus package? Because if it is, I ain't stimulated! Just one last question: how much longer, O Lord?

Dispatches from the WAR ZONE

Gosh, things continue to deteriorate at 2nd & Bell. Yesterday, there was this cluster of equipment poking yet another hole in the roadway:

Today, in honor of the new hole, Bell Street is closed at 2nd. In the photo below, workers celebrate the hole's creation by standing in it:

By now, I'm pretty sure that even the people working in the WAR ZONE have forgotten what they're trying to accomplish. It used to be about spreading democracy and installing new storm drains, but now it has to do with carving up the roadway for fun.

And the hatred and aggression are spreading. Even 2nd & Battery has been destabilized! They've carved large shallow trenches, because the government said so. Observe:


These diggings appear to serve no purpose. But I must caution you that no matter how much you'd like to drive your car into, then out of these little trenches, don't do it. It will really mess your car up and you probably won't be able to sue the city for not putting up a sign reading: "Please do not drive your car into this trench. It will become damaged." There are hazards like that all along 2nd Avenue, so the city is counting on its citizens to use their common sense.

How Many Pieces of Heavy Equipment Are Parked Along 2nd Ave. Anyway?

Happy Labor Day, laborers! Me, I feel a little weird about celebrating such a holiday since I have no job, but I tell myself that it's actually a day to watch the Jerry Lewis Telethon. Jerry gets just a little more crazy and sincere every year as the quality of acts steadily declines. Once back in the seventies, Jerry got Frank Sinatra to come on and sing. That was at the height of his booking powers, when the telethon lasted a whole 24 hours. These days, it's eight hours long and you're lucky if you see Jan Michael Vincent doing an appalingly bad soft-shoe routine. Still, I love Jerry. He's a comic genius. His films of the sixties contain a host of brilliant moments. But like many comedians, he wanted to be taken seriously. That's when all the trouble started.

Anyhow, speaking of labor, there has been a lot of it along 2nd Avenue. There was just all kinds of everything for the whole week. Then on Friday, they parked their metal monsters and simply walked away. It's been quiet since then - and how nice it's been! But walking along 2nd Ave. has made me curious as to how many pieces of heavy equipment we're hosting here. Let's count them!

OK, from Stewart to Lenora, there's nothing. Zilch. That section of 2nd has seen enough action anyway, so it doesn't change the way we feel about them. But it all starts at Blanchard:

1, 2...

(at Bell Street) 3...

(at another part of Bell Street) 4...

(at Wall Street) 5, 6...

(also at Wall Street) 7, 8...

(at Cedar Street) 9, 10...

(at the other side of Cedar Street) 11. And that's it. Gee, it seemed like there'd be more, but no such luck - 11 pieces of heavy equipment is all you get.

There were also numerous attachments left out like these:


Frankly, I'm a little surprised that a bunch of drunks from Shorty's, out of quarters and bored, didn't unite in purpose and carry one of these things off to somebody's apartment. I guess it didn't happen because, A) Shorty's patrons aren't very strong, and; B) Shorty's patrons aren't that organized.

Lastly, this piece of equipment decorates the block between Wall and Vine:

Yeah, it's right in the middle of the street. You know, these things are known by various brand names: Sani-Kan, Port-o-Let, Porta-Potty, Porta-John and so on. By far, the worst brand name has to be "Honey Bucket." I mean, none of those competitors' names actually hints at the contents of the portable restroom. Honey Bucket goes there. Who came up with that name? It's just such a gross visual image. Ew. Please change it.

Bring the Noise!

Here on 2nd Avenue, the pavement hatred continues. If somebody claimed that one of those big industrial backhoe-jackhammer attachments was louder than a much smaller hand-operated version, you'd have no trouble believing them, right? Well, you'd be believing in error. The small jackhammers are about 10 times louder. Here's a guy carving up the blacktop between Blanchard and Lenora:

A few seconds later, he's making so much noise that the picture actually goes out of focus:

That's what it's like around here: jackhammers, concrete cutters and the occasional surveying team that can't find their reference points amid all this destruction. Good times.

The Worst Night Ever

I spent most of yesterday either getting to the fair, being at the fair or getting away from the fair. I knew that the blacktop-stripping operation was coming to our section of 2nd Avenue. But I was a little surprised to see it going full-bore at 9:00 yesterday evening.

Yes, the Army of the Night was using this machine that they also use for strip-mining. The windows right above it are mine, so I had a great view. It was all very loud. The evening went on and naturally, I assumed that the work would stop at some reasonable hour. How wrong I was! There was a respite at around 11:00, but otherwise it went on non-stop until 4:00am. Somebody told me that they didn't even start in till 5:00 in the afternoon. Sheesh, now there's an awful bit of planning! Belltown has the highest population density in the state and you've got epic noise going on until 4:00 in the morning. How's that going to play out?

Of course, there's not a sign of these guys this morning. Fer Pete's sake, they worked until 4:00 this morning! They're all asleep! I sincerely hope they're not planning on returning tonight. Anyhow, this is what 2nd & Blanchard looks like today:

2nd Avenue Gets Scraped!

When I was returning from Siegfried at about 11:30, 2nd Avenue was clogged with asphalt removal equipment. They were like some kind of secret army of the night, with guys giving orders and orange cones and lights flashing and large vehicles going every which-way. And yeah, they were really loud, because taking off an entire layer of old road surface is not a quiet process. Today we see the fruits of that labor:

From Bell Street to Denny, there is no more surface. You're gonna be driving on the road bed, brother, until Sweet Lady Blacktop comes to town. That could happen in a short time or a long time. It all depends on the Sweet Lady. When they repaved 4th Avenue in the late spring, it took them about three weeks to get around to it. But that's all water under the bridge now, because 4th drives like a dream. My car absolutely loves it. Let's hope that 2nd Ave. gets some better service. After all, it is a much cooler street.