Belltown Murals - 3

There are only three murals in Belltown. Two are bad. One is not. This is the one that isn't bad. And it happens to be right smack on the side of the Rivoli here at 2nd & Blanchard. Have a look:

In case it's not entirely clear, it's a U.S. soldier in front of some generic brown people and they're all in front of something that's burning. Over all of that are the words "How much longer?" Unless you're on top of the Humphrey across the street, this thing is notoriously hard to photograph, but funny thing, it's not very hard to see and understand. Because all my shots were coming out weird, I borrowed this one from Seattle Daily Photo. Thanks, guys. Anyhow, this mural was painted sometime in 2004 when it was becoming abundantly clear that the Iraq War was spiraling out of control and that the leaders of this country were a bunch of delusional creeps and idiots. And honestly, for years and years, I'd hear the bad news coming out of Iraq and think "How much longer?" myself. This mural didn't make the situation better; it only made me realize that I wasn't the only one who thought that this conflict was terrible, tragic and, perhaps most goading of all, unnecessary - all those civilians and all of our soldiers killed in order to make a few people rich and a few others feel like they were in charge. Perhaps the worst feeling was the realization that all of this was being done in my name for some very small reasons. I'm an American, this is my country's war, all this bad stuff is happening based on myopic reasoning and general cluelessness and for years, things only became worse. It was heartbreaking all around. Six years later, things have gotten better because the morons who started it all finally realized that the original advice they got about restoring order was the best. In the end, everything calmed down after we started paying people off, not because of all the 2,000 lb. bombs we dropped. Yeah, it was far too late to make a difference for thousands.

Here we are more than five years after this was painted and it's still poignant. We may be steadily drawing down from Iraq, but now there's Afghanistan to worry about. I'm already thinking about how much longer that's going to take. I heard this thing on NPR this weekend with this guy who wrote a book about Afghanistan called The Graveyard of Empires and I can't help thinking that we're next in line for some very hard lessons. Of course, leaving is out of the question, because we'll just have to go back in another 10 years. Some problems are so elaborate that any solution is bad.

I didn't mean to get all political, but this mural does inspire strong feelings in me. I think that it represents the conscience of all those who were mocked and ridiculed for their opposition to the war by this country's leaders and commentariat. I was against it from the beginning, but didn't think that this great nation would be stupid enough to go through with it. After all, as Americans, we are sensible, intelligent and downright nice people who know when a bunch of lying goons is trying to pull one over on us, right? Well, you know what happened. And the people who perpetrated this are all still walking around. Oops, I'm getting all political again. Actually, I never stopped being political.

Let's just say that I love and treasure this mural. Its mission of provoking an emotional response in at least one viewer has been accomplished. I'm proud that it's on the side of my building.

Belltown Murals - 2

Today we direct our attention to the weirdest of Belltown's three murals, which adorns the parking lot wall at 3rd & Cedar, which also happens to belong New Horizons Ministries:

So yes, prepare yourselves for some of the Jesus. Let's take a look at this strange and captivating work:

Well, it certainly is large and colorful from a distance. It couldn't possibly be terrible, could it? Let's get closer:

OK, I still can't tell what's going on here.

This is the upper left corner of it. What's going on here? What's that supposed to mean? There's nothing like that in my Bible!

Who are these nice black people?

Huge hands!! Say, what are they holding? Is that coal? What does that have to do with anything? Does the Jesus want us to burn coal?

Here is a pair of giants playing a form of baseball in front of normal-sized people. Meanwhile, a large floating head ignores them.

Speaking of large floating heads, could this be the Jesus himself? I'm not sure. From the looks of it, I think they've come up with a new creation: Pirate-Jesus. And why not? All the kids are into pirates these days. Pirate-Jesus looks down upon humanity, guzzles rum and orders his crew to trim the mainsail.

So that's pretty much this mural. What the hell is it supposed to mean? I have no idea. I think its goal is to get you into New Horizons Ministries. Based on the officially-sanctioned graffiti out front, they're probably hip, informal and willing to kick it freestyle about Pirate-Jesus. But all of this explains nothing about the nice black people or the huge hands or the first large floating head. Except for Pirate-Jesus, this thing is so random. I can't figure it out. All I can say about it is that at least its execution is slightly better than Mural 1. That's all. Even if I understood what was going on in it, I couldn't say that it improves my quality of life every time I walk past it. I don't think it does for anyone.

And so let's look at it one last time and scratch our heads in confusion:

Belltown Murals - 1

It's time for us to look at Belltown's murals. I know, it's not easy. By my count, we have only three murals in the entire neighborhood. (Graffiti walls don't count.) Two are woefully bad and one is superb. Let's start with one of the woefully bad ones, shall we?

This work lets the world know that there was once such a thing as the Belltown Inside-Out Festival. It was a strange little celebration that involved certain people giving tours of their funky apartments, among other things. I really wanted to participate for something like six years, but my place was not presentable. By the time I repainted it and got it looking very cool, the festival had died. It seems that during my six years of pining, Belltown had gone from a neighborhood of old, strange, eclectic buildings with customizable units to a place that was building soul-less new places nearly every week. A lot of incoming new building tenants didn't know an interesting apartment from a hole in the ground and volunteered their new soul-less digs as prime examples of Belltown living. That made everybody want a nap, so Belltown Inside-Out died circa 1996. Let's take a look at this awful, awful mural.

It's located at 3rd & Battery (right across the street from yesterday's Dead Project!) on the side of the lovely U.S. Bank building. As you can see, it's not very well executed, but I'll take a stab at what Belltown has to offer according to the mural. OK, first off, you can shoot hoops somewhere and wear a Sonics jersey (sigh...I miss the Sonics). You used to be able to do that in Regrade Park just one block down at 3rd & Bell, but they've taken away the backboard. Well, you used to be able to do a lot of things there, like smoke crack, pick fights with strangers and sleep on the grass. Now it's a dog park. I think that was a wonderful idea even though I don't have a dog. Anyhow, if you're watching convicted felons playing basketball, you might as well marvel at the stunning concrete sculpture at Regrade Park. That's what the round, gray thing is in the foreground. That still stands. In back of that is the Austin A. Bell Building, which has since been turned into condos. Back when the mural was painted it was little more than a derelict facade that was occasionally set on fire by some careless squatter. Nevertheless, it was something of a symbol of Belltown: formerly grand, but presently decrepit, unsightly and quite dangerous. As the Austin A. Bell Building went, so went Belltown. Behind Austin A. Bell is supposed to be the Darth Vader Building, but it's so poorly rendered that it could be anything. Beyond that are a few anonymous buildings that probably never existed and then there's the Space Needle, which is definitely NOT in Belltown and then there are two trees, then another tree. And besides those things, there's nothing else to see or do here. End of mural.

Yeah, it's terrible, but it's 33% of Belltown's murals! God, I think we could all sleep better if they painted over this one. I mean, nobody remembers Belltown Inside-Out, and even those who do (except for me) don't remember it fondly. So let's forget about it. This ain't the cave at Lescaux. Why do we need this?