Friday, September 11, 2009

Shallow Graves

Yesterday when I was typing out this very blog, a squadron of metal monsters descended on my sector of 2nd Avenue and began with the jackhammering. There were three of them going at the same time. Yes, it was exquisitely loud. I had to flee down to Uwajimaya for a little peace and quiet. When I returned, this is what the monsters had wrought:

It was also yesterday that I noticed that similar large patches had been carved into the street at 2nd & Battery. At the time, I believed that they represented a trap for this cit's less competent motorists (of whom there are many). But today, my assessment is a little more alarming. Of course, I have no proof, but, as current fashion dictates, armed with a double shot of ignorance and an all-American certainty of my own stable mental state and the accuracy of my assertions, I will tell you my theory: these recent works have been ordered by the government to serve as interim gravesites for those euthanized by government death panels. I'm told that it is the method preferred by socialist secret-Muslims who also might be fascists. Think about it, what better place to put the victims of healthcare reform than in the middle of the street? The shallowness of these graves is just an indication of how inadequate the reforms will be. After all, if there was real reform, these graves would be a lot deeper. If they can't even dig sufficient mass graves in the middle of our streets, how are they gonna handle the government takeover of all healthcare and our daily lives? Not very well, I tell you. So I say to you now, if you're stupid enough to believe my claims which are the pinnacle of truth, please stop these shallow graves from swallowing up our grandmas. The next time you see an elected official, just start screaming at them. It doesn't matter what you say, just scream. Like many a town hall teabagger, you might even be on TV. So please, make a stand. Let the world know that you're against shallow mass graves in the middle of our 2nd Avenue. We're all counting on you.


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