Mom, the Sidewalk's Calling Me Names!

I was just walking along this morning, minding my own business, when the sidewalk at 2nd & Virginia called me this:

Hey, it's called "keeping my options open!" I thought that settled things, but a few feet away, the same thing happened:

Wait a second, I read books; I form my own opinions! I'm NOT a hipster! You don't even know me, sidewalk! I have depth. Besides, you're made of concrete and have no education. Take that!

That solved the problem with the sidewalk. But then the street decided to get into it with me:

And to that, I respond: "No, you're a spu loc!"

I am both deep and mature.