What's the Best Thing You Can Give Yourself This Holiday Season?

A brief respite from self-loathing? Discount porn? A carton of menthols?

Did somebody say squirrel calendar? Because that's what I vote. All these little fellows are Euro-squirrels. You can tell because of their tight clothes and strange accents. So now I've done it; I've given myself the greatest gift of all - twelve months of squirrels.