Coming Soon to the Moore!

Back in the eighties, I listened to the radio a lot. Everybody did. It was fun - not like today. Anyhow, during that decade, only two music acts would make me shut off that radio as quickly as humanly possible. They had tunes so unendurable that I couldn't stand to listen. One of them was Animotion, a terrible glam-wave creation. Luckily, they were a one-hit wonder, vanishing after a short and painful stint on the charts with "Obsession." The other was Suzanne Vega. Mere words cannot express the hatred I have for the song "Luka." You remember that one, don't you? It's the one where this kid comes up to some schmo in her building and says, "Hey, you're my downstairs neighbor. Don't worry, nobody's beating me - except they are. Peace out." I hate that song on so many levels. And yes, I hate Suzanne Vega for singing it. She's the responsible party. I hate her. I'm also not crazy about anything else she's done. Most of it is just merely pretentious. "Tom's Diner" is an example. I also hate that song - not as much as "Luka," but enough. Funny thing, it wasn't a hit until some DJ made a remix of it. But unlike "Luka," at least it wasn't forced down our throats. For almost a year, "Luka" was in heavy rotation. It's one of the reasons I stopped listening to the radio. Every time I'd switch on, she would be there, trying to convince me with her tiny voice and wan expression that child abuse was bad. Guess what? I already knew that!! Jeez, give it a rest! Did that song have any impact? Hell no! It's pop music, not social policy! You know that in 1983, U2 released an album called War. Its message? War is bad. Did war go away? If anything, it increased! I think Bono's voice is to blame. It makes people want to tear each other's heads off. But I digress. If you're a big fan of Suzanne Vega, I apologize. Go in peace to her concert. Enjoy a live rendition of "Luka." I wish you a long and happy life. Me, I will continue to hate Vega and her music until she produces something that isn't dopey, pretentious or utterly lacking in musical quality.