The Edmonds Fourth

As some may know, I'm from Edmonds. It's a nice little town as long as you don't have to live there. Even as a child, I was bored out of my skull. But it does have its appeal. One of its better events is the Fourth of July Parade. It is hokey in the extreme. Almost every year, several old friends and I climb on top of Old Milltown and mock the festivities the best we can. Here's how it went down:

It all began with the Edmonds Police Department's "precision" motorcycle drill team. There were three of them. The third guy is hiding behind a tree. Then came the patriotism. It was the Fourth, after all:



With that out of the way, it was time for the grand marshal. This year it was beloved TV clown, J.P. Patches.


And when I say "beloved," I really mean it. J.P. was really great to watch. He wasn't scary and he didn't try to teach you anything. Then came the bagpipes:


They were infinitely better than the two marching bands that came later, which, by some weird coincidence, both played different arrangements of "Hang on Sloopy."

Oh, and here's the mayor of Edmonds:

His name is Mike Cooper.

Usually, the parade has a healthy dose of people dressed like animals. This year was different. There were only two. One was a frog:

And the other was a raccoon:

I want more people dressed as animals!

For the last 25 years, the chamber of commerce has had its float in the midst of the festivities. This year was no exception:

Some may call it monotonous; others may call it reliable. Me, I have no opinion. That float is just a fact of life.

In case some evil super-villain vanquishes the U.S. Navy and the Coast Guard, the only thing standing in the way of conquest is the Coast Guard Auxiliary and this boat:

It truly is our last line of defense.

OK, so since a clown was the grand marshal of the parade, you'd think that there would be a strong showing from other contingents of clowns, right? Wrong. There were two and both were bad. The first troupe was local:

They weren't even trying. Even worse were the Shriner Clowns. Actually, there was just one. And all he did was glare at the crowd from the clown car. They even had a self-propelled calliope. Observe:

But the guy refused to play, so the nationally revered Shrine Clowns were a complete bust. Hey guys, if you're gonna clown, clown!

Although the bagpipe band was nice, the best of them all was a non-marching band from Lynnwood. They rode in the back of a truck:

These guys did a nice version of "Stars and Stripes Forever."

For the second year in a row, the Star Wars people have made the parade:


I have no idea why Edmonds is their objective, but it's really nice to see geeks having fun.

And then there was the Viking longboat courtesy of Sons of Norway:

And then came the tow trucks:


And then it was over.