Friday, July 6, 2012

An Edmonds Kind of 4th

OK, so I'm pretty sure that everyone's aware that the 4th of July occurred this week. Me, I upheld the Great Tradition. Each year, I visit my old hometown of Edmonds and watch their parade. Sometimes friends show up to watch it with me and sometimes, like this year, I watch it all by my lonesome. I have no problem with that. The thing about the parade is that it never seems to get any better - although some years are weirder than others. This seemed to be a weirder year. It all started very much on time with the Edmonds Police motorcycle "drill" team: Yep, real exciting. Then along cam some fire trucks: Old guys with flags and jeeps: And younger guys with humvees: They were nice enough to take the machine guns off for the parade. OK, so now we're into the meaty center of this thing. We get the grand marshall - a local woman who competed in the Iditarod. No, she didn't win, but she did finish: Hey, I've finished lots of things. Where's my parade? Next came the mayor of Edmonds, walking like a common ostrich: My old semi-alma mater (I went to Woodway, not Edmonds-Woodway, I'll have you know) interfered with these band-kids' summer vacation: As you can see, they were preceded by clowns - the world's least funny clowns. Not alarming, not scary, just not funny. OK, this is where things got slightly bizarre. Each year, the chamber of commerce fields the same ferry float. Sometimes in the past, it's gone through twice. This year, for reasons they didn't explain, it had an Elvis impersonator on it: He was actually pretty good. Following that came the Star Wars geeks. These guys are great, but I have to say that their Darth Vader was kind of really fat: There was even a slave-Leia, but she was un-fine, so I'll spare you. Here's the Coast Guard Auxiliary: In the past, I think I've described these guys as the sixth line of defense against an invasion from Canada. I stand by that statement. Of course, the seventh line of defense is the Star Wars geeks and the eighth? Why, these cub scouts: And of course, folks, nothing says independence from the British more than bagpipes: They were pretty good. The Lynnwood non-marching band was back for a return engagement: They just sat on the truck and played. Well, good for them. Oh, the Sons of Norway were also there with their fake longboat: Then came people dressed as superheroes, including the world's worst Spider Man: And then there was this guy dressed as a raccoon: And then this truck: And then it was done. It lasted only an hour. In the past, it has clocked in at twice that. Well, I have to say that the announcer-guy is just terrible. His delivery is awful; he makes all kinds of mistakes, misreads thing and forges ahead like nothing happened, even though everything that he's just said makes almost no sense. On top of that, he's got zero energy - he just sounds like some old guy and zero charisma. Honestly, the guy who used to announce was way better. Sure, he was cheesy and he called everything featured in the paarade a "unit," but at least he knew how to work the crowd. Anyhow, that was the Edmonds 4th of July Parade for this year. P.S. Please pardon the terrible formatting. Blogger has made some changes that have turned my blog into an amateurish mess. I actually dread making posts these days because there nothing I do seems to work, so I just hate Blogger at the moment.


Anonymous said...

It's almost as if I were there, and I have been there in the past, so I should know.

The raccoon guy sounds like the highlight this year, and the duration appeared merciful (for once).

Just one question... is the Lynnwood band handicapped? They always ride in the back of that truck.

Igor Keller said...

In the past, I've left after 3 hours of parade. The chamber of commerce float went through THREE times. Once per hour, I guess. Yeah, but in case I was unclear, this new parade host-guy is terrible.

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