Let's Give 3rd Ave. Another Slogan!

How about this:
They may smash our sidewalks and kill our trees, but they can never take our FREEDOM!!

Coming Soon to the Moore!

They call it "Spectrum Dance," which sounds kind of seventies. That's probably because they couldn't fit Merce Cunningham, Gus Solomon Jr. and Donald Byrd's names up there. I've never heard of Gus, but I do know that Merce just turned 90 and Donald Byrd isn't the trumpet player who gigged with Coltrane in the fifties. They're calling the show Icono-clan. Yeah, it sounds kind of retarded. They should have called it Merce-O-Mania, because that's who everybody's coming to see. I mean, wouldn't you want to witness some 90-year-old guy twirling around on stage? Oh, and I'm told that he can still rock that unitard.

Dead Projects: Insignia

This project was ambitious; two towers to occupy the entire block between 5th & 6th, and Bell & Battery. It used to be the Frederick Cadillac dealership (back when Cadillac was synonymous with class), then it belonged to Teatro Zinzanni. They're a Euro-cabaret dinner theater. Even though they were just four blocks away, I saw them a grand total of zero times. They've moved all the way to Mercer Street and I still have no plans to go and see them. Anyhow, they got evicted to make way for this Insignia-thing, whose onsite promo boards slated it to look like this:

And:

With estimated views such as this:

And if you lived there, at least one woman would laugh at your jokes. There would also be alcohol:


Unfortunately, reality has caught up with their marketing. This project is dead for the usual reason: no money. Otherwise, they would have started construction. For the last two years, this lot has only managed to accumulate stuff that seems entirely unrelated to constructing twin condo towers. In fact, the whole block is just a yard fulla crap. Observe:

From 5th...

A little further down 5th...

From Battery. You get the idea. The place is a mess. But there is one redeeming feature of the lot. See, about 20 years ago the Frederick Cadillac guys had the good sense to plant some Mt. Fuji cherry trees along three sides of the lot (Bell, Battery and 6th). Every spring they look just spectacular. Check it out:

Yes, lovely indeed. So honestly, why do we need this Insignia place when we have these really nice cherry trees instead. I think it's a pretty even trade.

Insignia: R.I.P.

Seattle Math

OK, let's say they're doing an extreme repave at 4th & Stewart (Belltown's southern border with downtown). The effort looks a little like this:

For the sake of getting it done, the city closes 4th at Pine Street, which looks like this:

And when you add those two things together, what do you get? This:

That's right, chaos. I'd say the backup goes almost all the way back to Chinatown. But don't worry, it'll be done by the weekend. It kind of has to be...

Coming Soon to the Moore!

I have no idea who this guy is (singer? comedian? sword-swallower?), but I'm pretty sure he can't be any worse than Paul Weller.

Hold on! Maybe not.

The Ugliest Building in Belltown

Yes, sweet people, there are many ugly buildings in Belltown. I just thought it would be best to start at the top.

Every time I walk or drive past this brick-plated eyesore, I just have to stop and gape at its sheer lack of aesthetics. There is, in short, absolutely nothing appealing about this building - well aside from the fact that it's a 20-second walk to the fabulous 5 Point Cafe. This monstrosity doesn't even seem to belong in this country, but it would fit quite nicely into bleaker parts of Europe from downtown Croydon to suburban Bucharest. I actually pity the people who live here.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the ugliest building in Belltown!

Here's the front:


Doesn't it make a cloudy day seem downright gloomy?

Here's the back:

Yeah, I know, it looks just like the front. It's like somebody put a 19th-century Victorian factory on its side and just left it there.

There really are windows back there. They just direct you to look out where there's nothing to see.

There's just one more picture to add. It's a shot of the clunky elevator assembly looming over the far-more-pleasing Stonecliff Apartments:

You know, it's just a short step from functional to butt-ugly. The Bayview Tower takes it even beyond that. Frankly, I'm mesmerized with its hideousness. Congratulations, Bayview Tower, you win the gold medal for ugly!

The Sincerest Form of Parking Garage

This here is the parking garage for the Grandview at 3rd & Blanchard:

Here's the Grange Insurance Building at 2nd & Clay. (It's right across the street from the building that got the bad graffiti.):

And finally, this is the 1st & Cedar Building at, uh, 1st & Cedar, just a slim block over from Grange Insurance. Notice the soon-to-be-former Washington Mutual branch?

Hmmmm... Similar much?

I know that in the seventies and eighties, the squat, "blockhouse" design was quite popular for smaller office buildings, but I never dreamed that architects would draw their inspiration from parking garages. Maybe that's why at the 1st & Cedar Building, they charge you four bucks an hour to sit in their lobby. But seriously, I understand the utilitarian look of the Grandview's garage. But what's Grange Insurance and 1st & Cedar's excuse?

Bad Graffiti of the Week

This is a recent addition to the wall of Lighting Supply at 2nd & Clay. Our graffito seems to be working out some kind of math problem.

Does it really add up like that? One thing's for sure, he needs to show more work.

Coming Soon to the Moore!

This thing sounds totally cool. However, based on my previous experience with the Moore, I know that there's got to be a catch.

McGuire Scaffold-Watch! Week: ???? + 1

It's still there. Although it's hard to see, there are about a dozen guys on the scaffold chipping away at the outside of the building. Lordy, what kind of cheap-assery went into the original exterior??