Hey! Goats!

When I was walking back from lunch last Wednesday, I caught this intriguing sight:


Those are goats, all right. And as you can see, they're right under the viaduct around Blanchard St. Goats in Belltown, how exciting.

Toys Today...

I was at Toys R Us at Northgate today and I caught this curious sight:

This is part of the Journey Girls Action Play Set. There is an entire section of the store devoted to this stuff. We've got a wheelchair, crutches, casts and sundry items. Wow, kids in wheelchairs. That's great. On a related note, my Christmas shopping is just about done.

Meanwhile, at 2nd & Broad...

This sounds like the worst thing ever:

I know that they're trying to differentiate the two, but it caught my eye the other day and got me to wondering what a lemonade burger would taste like. I'm guessing pretty awful.

The Castle's Mystery Scaffold

A few weeks ago, some burly guys showed up in a truck and assembled the scaffold pictured above. It was kind of a big deal. But that was it. Since then, no one has been by to do any work of any kind. And there it stands, just being tall and blue. The end. For now.

It's Not a Party...

...unless somebody loses their toupee:


This was the scene at the liquor store parking lot at 7th & Denny yesterday afternoon. So if you're missing your rug, it's there.

So Many Santas!

This was the scene at 5th & Olive yesterday:



Sorry about that last photo. The Santas were on the move. I asked one what the occasion was. Of course, he said that it was Christmas and Jesus and whatnot. And then he gave me a bow. Thanks, Santa! Shortly after that, about 15 of them disappeared into the rain - presumably to drink lots and frighten children.

Is It Just Me...

...or does the upside down bicyclist look like a guy with a weird nose and a Hitler mustache? Have a look:

Or maybe a weird nose and an expression of surprise.

Bell Street Follies

This was the scene this afternoon just down the street from the former Kelly's. It's just a guy laying on his back while three bike cops try to figure out what to do with him. He didn't seem drunk or drug-addled; he was just laying on the sidewalk. He looked rather comfortable. I didn't stick around for the conclusion of the farce, but it made for an interesting sight.

Meanwhile...

...at 3rd & Lenora, there's a large pile of creepy stuffed animals getting rained on. Look:

OK, I really am back. I have been since last Tuesday. I should be done with this little chronicle by Monday. I have to say that the last week was the best. I will try to explain why in the next few days.

And if you don't believe I'm back, here's your proof:
Ryuichi Sakamoto is playing at the Moore tonight. Melly Chlistmas, Mistah Rawrence!

Alien Sprinkler-Man Is a Little under the Weather

Remember the alien-looking Automatic Sprinkler at 5th & Wall? It looks a lot like this:

Pretty weird, no? Well, it seems that the poor fellow is ill. Witness:

Wow, that must have been some sneeze! Or similar discharge of fluids... Anyhow, let's wish the Sprinkler-man a speedy recovery!

V-Bar 1, Igor 0

Last night, it was just a bit past 11:30 and I had gotten ready for bed. All of a sudden, somebody across the street started pounding on a drum in front of the V-Bar. It was a big drum. It was a loud drum. And they didn't stop. The playing was nothing fancy, just quarter notes at about 130 bpm. But that sort of thing shouldn't be happening at this time of night, I thought to myself. What happens if they want to keep beating it till closing time? By that time, I was pretty pissed. It had been a rainy, tranquil Friday evening and these guys were harshing my mellow. While it continued, I got dressed. I was going to go across there and personally tell them to shut it down and maybe put my foot through their stupid, big, loud drum. Once my shoes were on (no socks), I was very angry. And the drumming continued.

I strode purposefully from the Rivoli, fixed my gaze on the near distance and cut across 2nd Ave. with hatred in my eyes and murder in my heart. There could be, I told myself, no excuse for all this goddamn drumming. And why, I wondered, were the people who were perpetrating the drumming (two solid Asian guys) looking so happy when they were shattering my relative peace and relative quiet? And also why were there all these people standing on the sidewalk waiting expectantly for something? As soon as I looked toward the door, I immediately felt like a complete fool. It was a two-man dragon. They were celebrating the new year. Here's a surreal picture of it:

OK, the V-Bar is owned by Vietnamese, but hey, it's a free country; they can ring in the new year Chinese-style. After I took my picture, the drumming stopped and I retreated back to the Rivoli, feeling like a total chump. I can't believe that I wanted to kill those people with my bare hands! But the dragon, though small, totally squelched my homicidal impulses. Thank you, small dragon. I went back home and eventually fell asleep after the upstairs kids settled down. The drumming had woken them up as well and they were in a launching-themselves-off-the-furniture mood.

I've gotta say, I'm a big fan of the dragon. I always wait around to see the really big one at the Torchlight Parade. Here's 18 seconds of dragon from the 2008 parade:

Lovely, isn't it? Anyhow, Happy New Year, Asian people! Have fun with your dragons!

This Doesn't Swing! Call the Police!

It's Friday and things are slow here in Belltown, so I thought I'd pass along something that my pal Jim sent me. It seems that this American sax player named Larry Ochs was playing with his group, Drumming Core, at a jazz festival in Spain. During the performance, one particular audience member became so distraught that he called the cops to arrest Ochs and band. The original story is here. Larry and his guys play a kind of post-free jazz. It's not for everybody, but I really doubt whether they should be arrested for it. Me, I like his playing, but I can't get into his music. Here is what he sounds like:

Pardon the awful camera work. As you can see, there's somebody painting in back of Larry. Plus, there's an Asian guy looking bored in the middle of the stage for the first three minutes of this video. Now that's how you put on a post-free jazz concert! Like I said, it's not everybody's cup of tea, but should these guys be arrested for it? If that poor, distraught guy in the audience had any gumption, he should have sued the concert promoter. Why the heck did he bring the police into it? And how did the story get to the press? It was probably the Spanish cops themselves with their funny hats and machine guns trying to make the guy feel like an idiot. Well, it's nice that Larry can laugh about it. Jazz musicians go through a ton of crap, but being arrested for playing at a jazz festival shouldn't be on the menu.

One Last New Year's Photo

When I was heading down to Denny to watch the Space Needle explode on New Year's Eve, I saw this on the former Speakeasy lot's fence at 2nd & Bell:

Yep, it's not a party until somebody hangs their bra on a chainlink fence! I know that nobody plans for this kind of thing, but how exactly does one's bra end up on a fence? Did it fail in some way? Did someone sneak up behind its wearer and steal it? Or was this person merely drunk and crazy? Keep in mind that this is before midnight, so there are more than two hours of drinkin' before last call. If the bra-person was totally nuts before midnight, just think of what she was like after.

Anyhow, that's my last New Year's photo. The next day, as is custom, there was a lot of unattended vomit and shiny confetti around the neighborhood. Puke and glitter. Welcome to Belltown.

Ah, Apartment Life!

I won't lie to you; Belltown is loud. There are drunks, club-people, drunken club-people, crazy people, car alarms, sirens and fights that can jolt you out of your sleep at any ungodly hour. But last night was something else. I awoke at 4:30 in the morning. There was this immense rumbling in the hallway and my apartment was shaking. I had no idea what was going on. I had just about fallen back to sleep when it happened again. There was all this rumbling and shaking. I thought it was the pipes, but it soon became apparent that it was actually someone. Or perhaps even something. I didn't think it could possibly be my across-the-hall neighbors having a fight, because there was no yelling or screaming - just a lot of pounding. I didn't know what the hell it was and my mind wasn't awake enough for me to deal with the situation. It eventually stopped and whoever or whatever was doing it left. By that time, I was completely awake, so yeah, I'm a little groggy at the moment. When I left for the gym at 6:30, I expected to see all kinds of damage to my neighbors' door. There were no marks at all. There was, however, a weird wet stain on the carpet in front of the door. Ew! I tried not to think about that while I was on the elliptical.

I gave the managers a call a short time ago to find out what had happened. It turns out that the girlfriend of some guy who lives down the hall went sleepwalking last night. And yes, she was quite naked. In her zombie-like state, she thought my neighbors' apartment was hers and tried to get in. They were apparently not home. So basically, all the the shaking was caused by this naked chick trying to bust down the door. The manager eventually came down and took her back to her boyfriend's apartment. The stain remains. I still don't want to think about what it could be.

The next time it happens, at least I'll know that it's a sleepwalking naked chick trying to break into the wrong apartment and not some mute, angry rhinoceros trapped in my hallway.

Dead Ringer

I swear to God, that the little Asian lady in the photo below, the one wearing the overcoat...

...looked exactly like Kim Jong-Il. I mean, exactly. For serious.

The Moda's Hilarious and Hazardous Predicament

In this economic climate, the specter of repossession is all around us. People around the country are losing their houses, cars, furniture and various other belongings to repossession. It's a grim reality that impacts mostly individuals. But what happens when something larger than an individual doesn't pay its bills, say an apartment building? In this case, the same thing. It's just a question of how accessible any given item is for those wanting to take it back.

I received an email from tipster Chad on Friday. He detailed an outlandish story: he was walking by the Moda Apartments on 3rd, between Bell & Battery and saw some rather large men scaling the side of the building on tall ladders, apparently without the knowledge of Moda management. They proceeded to partially dismantle at least five of the building's balconies and throw them into their truck. When Chad asked the guys about it, they said that the Moda owed them $20,000 and they were repossessing the balconies due to lack of payment.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Who on earth repossesses balconies? Well, I walked past the Moda the next day and guess what? It's absolutely true.

Here are the pictures:





As you can see, pieces of several balconies have been removed. Chad also informed me that every one of these units is occupied. As funny as this situation is, it's also quite hazardous if any of those residents arrives home unaware of what has happened. Since I haven't heard of anybody accidentally falling to their death at the Moda over the weekend, I'm figuring that the management has things reasonably under control. Incidentally, I called and asked them about what's going on. They have no comment.

I have nothing against the 251-unit Moda. In fact, except for the corrugated or "shipping container" look (perhaps imported from Western Ave.), it's a welcome addition to the neighborhood. I mean, it replaced the derelict one-story former Pacific Publishing building, which wasn't doing anyone any good. And since last year, it's been a reasonably good neighbor. Oh, if you've been living in Belltown for a while and you need a good laugh, check out the Moda's "hip surroundings" page. It's hopelessly out of date. For example, were you aware that the Teatro Zinzanni is still at 5th & Bell? It's true! And, according to the map, you can still enjoy dinner at Nara at 5th & Lenora. Both of these have been gone for around two years. Teatro Zinzanni has moved to Mercer St. and Nara closed down.

From the time I spent temping at a real estate management company, I came to realize that most buildings operate in near-permanent debt. They generally owe months and months of bills for power, water and the like. Why, my own lovely, ancient building gets a water shut-off notice nailed to its front door around twice a year. But this strange event is a different animal; it's the economic downturn asserting itself in new and weird ways. I wish the Moda the best of luck getting its balconies back. And no, I don't consider them deadbeats. They merely failed to consider just how hungry their poor subcontractors were.

My thanks again to Chad for the tip.

Read more of Hideous Belltown!

Bear Spray??

Well, there was some excitement at the Hotel Andra at 4th & Virginia this morning. That's the kind of thing that happens whenever there's an accidental release of bear spray. So that's how bad the bear problem has become? Do they wander the Andra's hallways? I have questions. It's been a really long time since I've seen a bear around here - like never. Maybe they just hang out at the Andra and never come outside. I don't know. I won't speculate any more. Here's the story. It's pretty terse. Our prayers are with the five souls sickened by the fumes.