Welcome to the Neighborhood!

The Key Bank at 1st & Wall is now open for business:

They've got the time and temperature on their sign, so yeah, that corner just got a whole lot more interesting. Although I hope that they'll someday change their name to Mon-Key Bank (and hire actual monkeys to work there), for now, I'll just wish them many robbery-free days in Belltown.

Episode IV: A New Hope

I was walking back from the gym this morning when I decided to swing by Entre Nous on Stewart, between 2nd & 3rd, to see if they were really, truly closed. I kept telling myself that they were just on vacation or something. You know, the chef is French, so maybe he's taking a major chunk of time off to visit his native land. But the outside looks just like this:

Yes, it's true. They're really, genuinely closed. But there was something in the window. I brushed aside my bitter, bitter tears to read the following:

What's this? A place open from 6pm to 9am?? That's totally crazy! It just might work. I'll definitely drop in for breakfast on my way back from the gym. They've posted their menu and it looks mighty tasty. And I just have to say this: it's nice when a restaurant completely ignores the lunch crowd. I can't wait for this place to open.

OK, so since I started with a Star Wars reference, let me apply it to all the previous eateries in that location. The first was Cafe Moscow as the Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Every time I walked in for lunch, some husky Russian battle-axe would glare at me at growl "Vot??" Yeah, their customer service was very "old country," as they say. Those guys didn't last long. Then it became part of the Mama's empire as Mamacita's. They specialized in lunch - all with Mama's delicious trademark greasiness. Yes, I guess Episode II: Attack of the Clones would apply nicely, especially if it pertained to your lower intestinal tract. (I kid! I love Mama's!) And then it lay fallow for a time until Entre Nous came along. They had great food and kickass fondue. And that would make them Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. I don't remember any Sith dining there, so I guess it doesn't apply. But now we have a new hope: Night Kitchen. This will be interesting.

You know, if these guys fail, we'll be down to Episode V: The Empire Strike Back - meaning that it might just become a Starbucks or a Subway.

Your Tax Dollars Take a Break

I was walking back from my conviction for crossing against the light yesterday when I spied this law enforcement trinket in front of the Starbucks at 2nd & Lenora:

I gotta say that even though I'm still rather miffed at the law, I really like their wheels. This particular number belongs to Parking Enforcement, AKA the Meter Maids. I saw one of these earlier waiting for a light, got all excited and started asking its operator questions. Here's how it went:

Me: Wow, is that new?
She: Yes, sir, it is new.
Me: Is that some kind of all-terrain Segway?
She: No, sir, it is not a Segway.

The light changed and she rolled away. Clearly, she wasn't nearly as thrilled as I was about the encounter. I guess getting yelled at by irate motorists 20 times a day will do that to you.

So is this the wave of the future for the Meter Maids? I've seen them riding bikes and Segways - in addition to their traditional three-wheeled carts - but will this be part of their enforcement arsenal? If I may proffer an opinion here: as you're no doubt aware, this is Seattle. It rains a lot here. I know, I know, by national rainfall averages, we're way down the list. Annual rainfall has no bearing on my argument. My only point is that it drizzles here for weeks on end. That is beyond dispute, no? OK, so this slick little thing, as you may have noticed, doesn't have a roof. Am I to assume that it will only be used in clear weather? If so, it will see about 80 days of action a year. Is that a wise investment? I mean, it looks expensive - with those mag wheels and such. What's wrong with the carts? They still strike terror into the hearts of those who park overtime. Although my heart swells with civic pride at the thought of our Meter Maids having such cool gear, I'm asking myself whether they're really necessary. As usual, my mind says no, but my heart says yes.

What do you think?

After Hours

Charlie Parker & Dizzy Gillespie. Hot House

Here's a fun little thing from 1952. The tune is "Hot House" by Tadd Dameron, which is written over the changes to Cole Porter's "What Is This Thing Called Love." They did a lot of what I call "reclaiming" during the bebop era, where they took the chord changes from one song and applied them to another. In addition to using "Rhythm" changes in such tunes as "Anthropology" and "Moose the Mooche," "Bird Gets the Worm" is "Lover Come Back to Me" and "Donna Lee" is "Indiana." And on and on it goes. Anyhow, I like this tune quite a bit, but it's devilishly tough to play on tenor saxophone. My fingers always get tangled up. It's much easier to play on alto, but it's still tough. I mean, listen to it; it's a weird, angular tune. Sometimes there are places where you can't breathe even though you really, really want to.

I don't recognize anybody else in the band. The pianist is pretty efficient, but he doesn't have a strong feeling for bebop. That doesn't really matter, because we're only there for Bird and Diz.

I Fought the Law and...

...Well, OK, the law won.

Guess what, sweet folks? Jaywalking operations are coming to Belltown. Prepare yourselves. Today marked the end of my own personal experience with the law in that arena. Hear my tale and weep, for I was once like you.

Back at the end of July, I got tagged for crossing against the light at 3rd & Pike. It was early in the morning, I was about 20 steps outside of my gym and the cop, to be as charitable as I can, was an jerk - a robotic motorcycle cop with lamentably bad social skills. At the time I got the arm, Pike Street was closed. There was no traffic at all. This became the cornerstone to my defense. I mean, the street was closed, so conventional rules don't apply, right? In such an event, we're all assumed to be reasonable persons and we are granted special permission by Dog Almighty and the City of Seattle to use our best judgment, correct? Well, no. When it comes to pedestrian infractions like jaywalking or crossing against the light, there is no room for reasonable behavior. As far as the city's concerned, either you did it or you didn't do it.


3rd & Pike: Scene of the "crime"

For my trial, I requested for the officer to appear. I thought maybe the guy wouldn't show. He did. OK, I thought, we do it the old-fashioned way with homespun wisdom and down-home charm. The cop testified. He saw me cross against the light. He even drew a picture. Then I testified. Yes, I told the court, I crossed against the light, but by gum, I was crossing a closed street. And I added to the court that these types of pedestrian tickets were a scam only designed to raise revenue for the city, but I still loved my country, despite speaking and thinking (oh yeah, especially that) ill of Seattle law enforcement. The court reacted with indulgent silence.

Here's the deal: If you're crossing against the light, there are no mitigating circumstances. You can have the best reason in the world, but you'll still get a ticket. You can have a pack of hungry cannibals or Godzilla himself chasing after you, but in the eyes of the law, you have committed wrong. The prosecutor's closing (yes, they have prosecutors on hand) was that very point; there are no special circumstances. In my closing, I stated that there's spirit of the law and letter of the law, and that maybe by the letter of the law, I committed the infraction, but by the spirit of the law, I was completely, utterly and totally guiltless.

This was not a difficult case for the judge (who seemed almost sympathetic to my cause); I broke the law. My fine was $56. I told the judge that I had no intention of paying into something that I deemed a scam, so I was granted community service. Never having been sentenced to that, I figured it consisted of picking up dog poop or harvesting roadkill, but no. Next week, I get to volunteer and the Center for Wooden Boats. That's not overly bad, however, I would rather have been found innocent. The only problem with that scenario is that it's impossible. Yes, it's a scam perpetrated by the city, but it's impossible to fight. The moral of this story is to not get a jaywalking/crossing against the light ticket. But if you do, you're pretty much screwed.

And now this travesty is coming to Belltown. Good luck, everybody.

Clear Alleys? Define "Clear"

Maybe you noticed that at some point this spring, almost all of Belltown's beloved dumpsters disappeared from sight. Maybe you didn't; there wasn't a whole lot of hoopla over the event. There was no change for me, since my building's dumpster is located off the alley. But for many people, the new way of doing things was both a major pain and an unneeded new expense.

Over the last 8 or so years, the American public's sense of irony and cynicism has been elevated by the Orwellian doublespeak of our nation's former leaders. For example, the PATRIOT Act was one of the most unpatriotic pieces of legislation of the last 100 years. The Terrorist Surveillance Act should have been named the Everybody Surveillance Act, and the Clear Skies Initiative gave free rein to polluters of all stripes. So naturally, when I heard about "Clear Alleys," I expected the worst. Let's take a look at how things are going.

First of all, the area most impacted by this measure is the south end of Belltown, from Battery to Stewart. This is the older section of the neighborhood whose buildings were built during a different era of waste collection. Whatever that was in the past, the result for most was dumpsters in the alleys. Here is before-and-after composite of the initiative:

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This is what my home alley (Blanchard, between 1st & 2nd) looked like circa June 2008 when Google Maps first swept into town.

This is the alley at present. OK, it's less cluttered.


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Here's the alley looking the opposite direction towards Bell.

This is it today. Definitely less cluttered.

And finally, for the sake of consistency, let's go up a block to the alley behind the Crocodile and the Castle:

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Behind the Castle then...

...And now.


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Behind the Crocodile then...

...And now.

So based on that, this new initiative is an unmitigated success, right? It successfully uncluttered the alleyways and brought freedom and brotherhood to Belltown, yes? Not so fast. Since the demise of dumpsters, everything is done with cans and bags. The cans aren't the problem, the bags are. They get stacked at their collection points and there they stay for days, making them easy pickings for neighborhood critters and those who used to rifle through dumpsters. The result is that there are short patches of intense urban squalor at certain points. Here is a random sampling from this week:





Is this an improvement? I say no. What we've done is traded clutter for squalor. You know, I was no huge fan of the squadrons of dumpsters, but at least they kept the trash contained. These days, I walk out of my building's back door and I'm ankle-deep in garbage. What the heck do they mean by "clear" anyway? That's not a clear alley in my book.

One point that I will concede is that with fewer dumpsters, the noise from trash collection is way down. Gone is the once-familiar WHIRRRRRR-BOOOOM! of the dumpster being tipped into a garbage truck. So yes, that much has improved, but overall I'd say that we've just swapped one bad thing for another.

Read more of Hideous Belltown!

After Hours

Jacques Dutronc. Les cactus

I've heard quite a few tunes by this guy, and they're either dumb, annoying throwaway novelty cuts or hard-edged, garage-sounding songs like this. It's kind of extraordinary that so many bands sounded like this at the end of the seventies following the emergence of punk. Of course, this number is by no means groundbreaking - it's just a sloppy little blues - but nobody sounded like this in 1967. I also find it refreshing that Dutronc acts so weird. I kind of half-expected him to get naked and roll around on the floor, but no such luck. Oh, in case you're wondering, this tune is about cacti. I'll feature more stuff from this guy later on this month.

Belltown Challenge: Authentic Pizzerias vs. Non-Authentic Pizzerias

It's been quite a while since the last Belltown Challenge, hasn't it? Yeah, that's because it's been pretty hot for the last few months and the Challenge usually involves a lot of walking around taking pictures, and with my low tolerance for heat, I would usually come home a sweaty mess. So I simply procrastinated until fall. That's my story. I hope you understand.

OK, so today we're trying to see who has the numerical advantage, authentic or non-authentic pizzerias. Now, by non-authentic, I don't mean Domino's or Pizza Hut or anything awful like that. It's just American-style pizza as opposed to "talk-a with-a de hands and sing-a de songs of old-a Napoli" authentic-style pizza. Let's start with the non-authentic:

This is Zeek's on Belltown's northern border of 5th & Denny. They serve some very American pizza.


Bambino's at 4th & Cedar is right around the corner from Zeek's. Although their fare is more rustic and less thematic, the style is more east coast American than Italian. Plus, their pizzas come in more than one size. That's a dead giveaway for non-authentic.


Vela at 1st & Clay (although there is another entrance on 1st; that photo didn't turn out so good) is a newish pizzeria. They're actually a pizzeria and something of a nightclub, if you can imagine that. I can and I'll pass. I don't need to walk 8 blocks for drunk people to bump into me. I can just stand in front of the Rivoli and the same thing will happen.


Broad Street Pizza & Pasta at Western & Broad is even newer than Vela. It used top be known as Cucina De Ra, which became rather infamous for not paying its employees or vendors. What's a poor deadbeat owner to do? Change the name! Bingo, you're back in business!


Although they're not Italian-authentic, I'm pretty sure that Belltown Pizza at 1st & Wall has the best pizza in this crummy neighborhood. I highly recommend the Fire in Belltown. Added bonus: the wait staff is generally babe-tacular.

Let's turn to the authentic joints:

This is Serious Pie at 4th & Virginia. It's another Tom Douglas operation and a very good one at that. Although some of the toppings are non-traditional (potatoes, clams), this is pretty much the real deal: football-shaped pizzas that come in just one size.


Here's Via Tribunali here at 2nd & Blanchard. It's probably the most authentic place. I mean, their oven runs on wood. The pizza is good, and if you get there at the right time, it can be very cheap - as long as you don't mind a limited selection. And while we're talking about them, I have to say that I really like their decor. The high-backed, horseshoe-shaped booths are excellent for both large and small gatherings. If you're alone, sit in one, sip a Peroni and be the master of your domain.


OK, this place gets special, but only partial dispensation. It's La Vita E Bella at 2nd & Battery. It bills itself as an authentic Italian restaurant which is true enough. They do have some very good real-Italian stuff there. But they also serve some delicious genuine pizza. In fact, they were the first place in Belltown to deal the authentic stuff. But because they don't bill themselves exclusively as a pizzeria, they lose half a point. My blog, my rules.

So let's total up. Our final score is:

Non-authentic: 5
Authentic: 2.5

It wasn't even close. Non-authentic places kicked ass! But I'll tell you that LVEB was the only place you could get an authentic pizza until a few years ago. Now there are two more in the neighborhood. I look for the authentic trend to continue. So you best prepare yourself.

Arty Photo Time!

How about a cell phone picture of the Moore Theater's marquee reflected on the side of a semi trailer parked in front of the place. Oh, that's all? Well, it just so happens that I have a shot like that handy. Observe:

That's the "double-O" in Moore reflected in the very clean side of the semi trailer. My cell phone only wanted to take two letters at a time. And these were the best of the lot.

Bad Graffiti of the Week

You can usually rely on the fact that your graffiti, good or bad, will be in some language or other. It will employ an alphabet of some kind and strive to make some kind of point that its author was there. Well, sometimes even that is too much to ask. Observe:

This is on the side of the Cristalla on 2nd, between Lenora & Virginia. Is this in any known language? I'd like to think that its creator was interrupted in its formative stages, but honestly, would it have looked any better closer to completion. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't. The moral of the story here is to work out small what you would do big. Clearly, that step of the process was skipped. But all that ugliness isn't to blame on just the large attempt. There are actually two pieces on this wall. Both are completely inept. Yes, there the big thing:

There's also this lesser thing off to the right by somebody else trying to prove something:

It does seem to use the Latin alphabet at the beginning, but then degenerates into lines and squiggles. My verdict: its author doesn't know enough letters.

So there you go, two works on the same wall that are equally wretched. I strongly advise both of these guys to take some lessons or something before they create again, because their stuff is just awful.